I wanna push the words high.
High, high, and higher.
And I wanna let them drop from that height, with the hope to find and shock my mind and the world just like bullets.
Bullet words are the best because they can kill you, but at the same time they can wishper in your ear that you are still alive, still here, a foreigner maybe for others, or even yourself. But you’re here. You exist and try to live.
If we were flowers, the words would be drops of water that keep us in this existence. But we aren’t.
We are human beings. And thus, words are the bits and bytes of this system that we are, they help us shape our minds, they help us communicate, they help us understand.
I wish I was a lover of the words. I wish I could touch them in a way that feels like kissing, like grabbing, pure penetration.
I feel so powerless now. Knitting the words ought to be easier, but still, it isn’t. Writers’ power comes from their knowledge of words. Writing process using a simple vocabulary means that the soldier goes to the war without his proper equipment.
This is what I am. I’m an unequipped soldier of words. A helpless soldier of light.
But something inside me keeps asking for more. It is keep asking to push my limited words to the heighest level I can take them, because in the end, what really matters is not the wealth of knowledge but rather the capacity to dig inside, to dig deep, deep inside you. What matters for real, is our inner world of emotions, and the courage to face it, to explore it, and to share it with others. Sharing such a thing has never been easy. It takes so much to walk around naked. I see people taking photos, selfies with fake smiles, unemotional states of being. But me, well me, I take selfies of my inner world and post them right here, on this blog, that is whiter from my hopes.
I’m so limited and unlimited at the same time.
Limited by words, but unlimited by emotions. I walk around naked. You can see my joy, my sorrow, my melancholic mood which is my favourite, almost skin like, piece of clothe.
I named this writing unlimited limitations because I wanna share with you what I see. I see possibilities, and I see endings. I see many paths, all these paths that my mind will take in the future. Won’t they be stretched? Won’t they be mysterious and even dark some times? Whatever they will be, they will lead me somewhere, and that’s the scope of them. Unlimited paths with vague endings that will provide me with some insightful understanding.
Oh, how hard I wish I could go for more, to be more, higher, deeper, richer, purer than a baby. But wishes are wishes and they show our desires, not goals. To have goals it means you know where you head to. Or at least, that’s what you think. But instead, I prefer to have no purpose here, hence no goals. I wanna be free, as free as I can regardless my limitations.
One is as free as their wisdom helps them to be.
And I, I’m planning to share without having plans, to set me free despite my limitations, to shock my mind with the bullet words that I, myself, have pushed them to the highest I could do so.
I let those words to drop and hit you as well, both your mind and heart.
How do you feel? Are you alive?